The Supercilious Douche [Hipster Variation #1]

Douche almost doesn't cut it for this guy. He's a straight-up tool. I'm sure you've met at least one of his species: he generally alters the current trends juuust enough to get away with calling himself individual; carries around philosophical texts and quotes obscure and irrelevant intellectuals; and seem to have transposed the entries for "humble" and "asshole" in their mental dictionaries. He may or may not wear womens' shirts, skinny jeans, and/or thick-rimmed glasses. He's just smart enough not to fall into the realm of the emo, but his existential angst can be scented from thirty paces. He can often be chauvinist in the most insidious way--subtle condescension masked as sincere interest. He's attracted to intelligent ladies, but still considers himself a step above, and takes it upon himself to educate them in the Ways Of Life.

The good news is, he's easily off-put. Just feign an overweening obsession with some pop trend (a fantastical, juvenile book series being the best, though Britney Spears or Nickelback will do) and he'll run for the hills, leaving you and your psyche unmolested.

Just A Douche

Thank you F*#! My Life for another winner in the male gene pool:

"Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4."

Now, ladies, here's the thing. If you allow your bf to play video games while you go down on him... though he may be a douche, you kinda have it coming.